you can repeat ‘I’m used to this sadness’ for a million times
but at the end of the day
you’re back to square one, back to the start
just because .
because love drains us completely yet fills us
because love takes everything yet gives back
because love knocks us over yet helps us up
but they’ll fill and guard that heart of theirs for now. those scars and abrasions look way too ugly.
i wish i knew the right words to say to make you stay, but i never have and never will.
I thought I saw you today. In the midst of all the people, I thought I saw you.
I saw that back view. I saw the same back view which had diminished to nothingness long ago. That tinge of familiarity brought back waves of emotions and memories I thought I had long kept away. Lumps of words rose up my throat and I fought to keep those tears from flowing, I had so many questions to ask you, so many doubts to clear. And as I stood there in the midst of all the noise and people, through my tear stained vision, all i saw is your back view.
I ran, I ran for that sense of familiarity.
“I finally found you again” I gasped through choked tears as I wrapped my arms around that warmth which will keep me safe. I will never let go again, I promised myself.
a pair of hands removed my arms so brutally from my source of warmth, my source of security. No! These were not the same hands which held me when I was weak. No .. these were not the same hands which wiped my tears. I lifted my eyes and all that faced me was a puzzled face whom I did not recognize. A face which did not belong to my version of you.
“I’m sorry, I got the wrong person” I stammered as my arms felt nothingness again - nothing to hold on to, nothing to cling on to. And as I walked away, with my head down, my heart slumped in the corner of nothingness and with tears flowing down my cheeks, I whispered to myself,
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you so much
“It takes an ocean not to break, it takes an ocean not to break” - Terrible Love, Birdy
those heavy words stand on the tip of my tongue, refusing to fly. they stand there as if they’re caged birds, trapped in an enclosure they know they can no longer escape - robbed of their freedom, robbed of their rights.
and i would do anything to free those birds of mine but i am, i am a captive as well.
what if one day i’m left behind by life?
there’ll be sweat in my eyes as i breathe labored breaths. i’ll gasp, ‘life, you left me behind’. but life will go on, it will not look back, it will not hesitate, it will not wait. all i’ll see is its diminishing back view, and soon, all i’ll see is nothing at all. and i’ll wonder to myself, i thought we were in this together, i thought i thought i thought i thought. but all i hear will be the echoes of ‘you thought you thought you thought you though. you thought wrong’